Marital Insights.

The Thrill and Excitement of Something “New”

It is important for couples to know that when you meet someone you are interested in something takes place in us from a biological standpoint. We are accustomed to sharing the exciting news of someone we have met with our family and friends without understanding the reason behind the feelings.

From a scientific standpoint, what actually takes place in our brains as it relates to excitement, newness, and falling in love? Is the word phenethylamine, commonly referred to as PEA.  PEA is an alkaloid and monoamine.  In the human brain it is believed to function as a neurotransmitter rapidly sending information between nerve cells and altering our mood to give us a feeling of euphoria. So, when you first meet someone whom you are attracted to, endorphins kick in by triggering special cells in the middle of the brain which in turn produce dopamine and PEA. When this takes place you may notice that you become very nervous.  You’ll feel as though you have butterflies in your stomach or that you are unable to catch your breath.  What is actually happening is your neurotransmitter is sending a message to your brain and you are reacting to the increased level of PEA; which causes you to become excited.  There are several central nervous system chemicals called amines which impact or alter our moods and behavior.  Some include serotonin, norepinephrine, epinephrine, dopamine and phenylethylamine. This is important to know ahead of time as some couples will find themselves saying “something has changed and I don’t feel quite the same anymore “.  Just like anything else in life after a while the thrill, excitement, and newness will normalize. For those who believe that they have fallen in love, the increased levels of PEA normalizes after about 2 to 4 years.

Why is this important to know? It is because without this information you could find yourself feeling that you have lost something in your relationship with your partner when in all actuality this is a normal part of ANY relationship. 

Many of us who are married are having to live out something we’ve never seen up close and personal. In other words, we have no point of reference for what a healthy marriage looks like.  

In addition, when we make our vows to love, honor, and cherish each other through sickness and health for richer or poorer ‘til death do us part. Do we really understand what we are vowing?

It will take much more than beautiful words to have and maintain a successful marital relationship. Especially taking into account the many nuances of an individual and evolution of them as well. What it will take is love, commitment, patience, and the grace to allow them to evolve.

The greatest eye opener to marriage is that you are learning about yourself while evolving and being blessed to have a front row seat to witness the evolution of your partner all while they learn about themselves as well. 

I see you.

In marriage you are vowing to allow your partner to see you in a light that no other will.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  And this is where couples have to be so careful not to allow The LIE to be more attractive than The TRUTH.  Both people must know how to speak the Truth in Love and receive the Truth as Love. This can help close the door to outside temptations that will use flattery as the entrance door to wreak havoc on your relationship. This is only possible if you and your partner are unwilling to understand the difference in receiving the truth as love versus accepting the lie as truth.